


I'll Leave My Peace in Pieces

by ghostlywhitedirewolf



Series: Stucky One-Shots & Prompts [16]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Cuddling, Fluff, I always forget what i need to tag, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Steve Rogers, Smut, bed sharing, hurt comfort, stucky prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:21:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3195131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlywhitedirewolf/pseuds/ghostlywhitedirewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SHIELD and HYDRA have fallen. Steve and Sam’s fruitless for Bucky has lead them in a worldwide circle back to Steve’s apartment, where they take the hint and leave the ex-assassin to figure things out on his own. A year later, there’s a ghost at Steve’s door.</p><p>[Based on the prompt: Months after SHIELD and HYDRA have fallen, Bucky shows up at Steve's apartment late one night and tells Steve what he remembers and that he kept trying to get to him while he was still in HYDRA. Steve confesses to Bucky how much he loves him and they end up making love for the first time after 70 years. Steve tells Bucky not to leave and wants him to stay, Bucky agrees to stay as long as he can stay with Steve.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Leave My Peace in Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Two things:  
> 1\. Congrats to love-buckybarnes who came runner up in the ao3feed-stucky 1000 follower contest, I hope you like this!  
> 2\. Merry (late) Christmas to mystuckyfeels :)
> 
> Love-buckybarnes prompted: months after SHIELD and HYDRA have fallen, Bucky shows up at Steve's apartment late one night and tells Steve what he remembers and that he kept trying to get to him while he was still in HYDRA. Steve confesses to Bucky how much he loves him and they end up making love for the first time after 70 years. Steve tells Bucky not to leave and wants him to stay, Bucky agrees to stay as long as he can stay with Steve.
> 
> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.
> 
> Enjoy guys! 
> 
> Come and say hello to me on my tumblr: [ghostlywhitedirewolf](http://ghostlywhitedirewolf.tumblr.com/)  
> 

-o-

The ghost at his door wasn’t what Steve had been expecting.

Chinese, yes.

Russian, no.

Bucky looked exhausted, eyes ragged and sweeping the apartment corridor anxiously. Steve didn’t even want to know how he’d gotten past security; there was no way he’d come in through the main entrance.

The brunet opened his mouth as though to say something before he clamped it shut again, visibly tensing at the shock on Steve’s face.

“Bucky?” Steve questioned cautiously, not wanting to spook the other man, especially now that he was finally here after all these months.

Bucky glanced down at his worn boots before shifting slightly, seemingly unsure what to say, pondering for a few seconds before muttering, “can I come in?”

“Of course!” His words spurred Steve to life and the blond man hurriedly moved to the side, stepping back from the doorway to allow Bucky to enter without feeling the threat of Steve’s large frame looming over him.

Bucky had lost weight, still wiry and hard with muscle, but less conditioned than he had been when Steve had seen him last. One hardship of moving around, proper meals became a luxury rather than a necessity. Bucky’s face was pale, eyes black with tiredness and cheeks hollow. His hair was shorter; not Bucky Barnes short but not the Winter Soldier long either. It was ragged at the ends as though Bucky had done it himself with a knife or a blunt pair of scissors. The former seemed more likely.

He looked like he hadn’t had a decent nights sleep in weeks, maybe months, but he still walked with all the grace of an assassin. His footsteps made no sound even in his heavy boots as he walked across the wooden floors of Steve’s apartment, head swivelling as though mapping out every inch of the open plan space and Steve knew that he wasn’t admiring the décor.

Steve knew the drill; escape routes, hiding places, potential weapons. All things that must be considered when entering an unfamiliar place.

“You have a nice view of the city.” Bucky commented slowly, voice rough and gravelly from disuse as he turned to look at Steve who was closing the front door.

“You mind if I lock this? Old habits and all..” Steve pointed at the security system on the door and adjoining wall, installed after the attack of the Winter Soldier himself.

Not Bucky.

_The Winter Soldier._

Bucky shrugged, feigning nonchalance but betrayed by the tense set of his shoulders. “No one is following me. Haven’t been since you and Wilson. Well, there was one. He isn’t anymore.”

Steve didn’t want to dwell on that, didn’t need an active imagination to know how well that had ended for them. Ended being the key word.

“Okay.” Steve nodded, leaving the alarms to move into the centre of the room, unsure of how to proceed but sensing that Bucky wanted to go first.

“I’m sorry for showing up like this. I.. I just didn’t know.. had nowhere else to go.” Bucky started, looking around him, a lost expression flashing across his face.

“Why don’t you sit?” Steve motioned towards the sofa and Bucky did as requested, pulling a cushion into his lap and pulling at the loose threads in a movement that was all Bucky. It went against everything that the KGB and HYDRA would have taught him, conditioned into him, against everything his military training had drilled into him as a sniper. Silent, still and deadly. Bucky had never been a still person before the war, always moving, working, dancing. Strong, capable hands that had never stilled, fingers twitching even when he was unconscious.

Steve remembered the first time they had kissed. Back in 1937. Bucky had been so nervous, pulling at a thread on his shirt and Steve had laughed; the great womaniser, James Barnes, nervous because of a sickly, skinny little nobody like Steve. His hands had never stilled as he pulled Steve into a bruising kiss, fingers dancing across the smaller man’s cheekbones and down to cup the back of his neck, thumbs angling Steve’s head to give him better access.

Steve had loved Bucky’s hands. Whether they were holding his own, stroking his back when he were sick, wrapped around his cock or buried inside him. It didn’t matter.

“I remember, Steve. It’s been coming back.” Bucky took a deep breath. “At first I couldn’t make sense of it all. Sometimes it was the odd memory. I wasn’t even sure at first that they were memories or figments of my imagination. But I don’t think that my imagination is sick enough to come up with some of the things I remember, some of the things I’ve done and have had done to me.”

Steve opened his mouth to protest but Bucky shook his head, raising the fingers on his metal arm to stop him.

“Please, let me finish. I know what HYDRA did to me. I do _know_ that, but at the same time, the man who did those things, the Winter Soldier, he is _me_. We’re the same person now; I can’t tear us apart and believe me, I tried. For all the atrocities he committed Steve I do love him because he’s the reason that we’re still here. He kept us alive all these years. The Bucky Barnes that you knew would have gotten us killed, almost did so many times. Bucky Barnes tried to escape, tried to get back to you more times than I can count. I remember being whipped so badly that they had to peel strips of infected skin off of my back. I remember being made to run across glass in bare feet for trying to escape. They threatened to hobble me. Then when they couldn’t stop me, they decided to remake me. Or start afresh with a blank canvas, just like you used to when you couldn’t smooth out the kinks in one of your drawings. So they wiped me.” Bucky flinched at whatever memory he was lost in.

Steve felt sick, felt his stomach churning. He had never thought to be grateful for the Soldier’s conditioned obedience. The obedience that had not ended Bucky’s suffering, but lessened the agonising incessantness of it. The obedience that had made Bucky useful to HYDRA; that had probably saved Bucky’s life.

“At first I thought he disappeared the more of my memories I got back, but I don’t think that’s true. I think the more memories of my old life I gained, the more we merged. At first I was fighting him, trying to repress him. But he’ll never be gone because I’m different now. I’m not the Bucky you used to know, who used to be your friend.” Bucky looked at Steve, stormy eyes pleading with the blond as he looked through the bangs that fell onto his face and Steve suddenly knew what Bucky was asking.

“Buck, you’re my friend. How could you go through what you’ve been through and still be the same person? Whoever you are now, then and in the future doesn’t matter; you’re my friend.” Steve replied, hoping his assurance shone in his voice, noting the way Bucky’s shoulders relaxed a little at the confession.

“I remember you.. Stevie.” Bucky frowned at the nickname, as though trying it out for the first time and Steve smiled. “I remember you smaller and then bigger. Before and after the serum I think. That confused me the most at first. Your face on two different people, just like mine. Like looking at a stranger in the mirror who changed every time I looked. I remembered you trying to sign up for the war to try and prove yourself.”

Bucky laughed quietly to himself and shook his head. “You were always so sick. I always used to lie with you to keep you warm in winter?”

Steve nodded at the implied question, confirming that the images in Bucky’s head were memories and not something his delusional mind had concocted in an attempt to stay sane.

“Yeah, I was sick all the time. The serum got rid of all my ailments but before that I was always sick. You used to tell everyone that we were brothers so you had an excuse to stay off work with me even though we couldn’t afford it.” Steve nodded gently, stopping when it looked as though Bucky wanted to continue.

“I remember a woman who looked like you. Your Ma I think. Blonde, small, nurses uniform.” Bucky waited for Steve’s nod before speaking again. “I remember us during the war, the squadron we had.”

“The Howling Commandos they used to call us.” Steve told him, watching as Bucky smiled slightly; momentarily pleased by whatever memory he was witnessing.

“I went to the Smithsonian; to the exhibit. I read about us, read about me. I knew that you and Wilson were trailing me, but I had to know. I had to figure out who I was on my own, please understand that. I went all around the world following leads, following memories of people and places to try and piece it all back together. My mind was such a mess and I needed to put it back in order.” Bucky stopped suddenly, the previous happiness that his face had held gone as he looked up at Steve again and shifted the cushion off of his lap, wringing his hands together worriedly and standing. “I’m sorry, I’ve said too much. I’ve no right to turn up here and say all of this to you. I shouldn’t be telling you this, putting you in more danger. I should go.”

Steve rose, shaking his head. “No, you shouldn’t go. You can tell me whatever you want to, I’m here Bucky. Hell, I’ll listen to you talk for the rest of my life if you wanted to. I thought you were gone Bucky. I lost you three times. You have no idea what it means to me that you’re here now. Please don’t go. Not yet.”

He wanted to reach out, to touch the other man’s face and smooth out the tense lines of fear, confusion and anger that he could see there. Wanted to pull his friend close and never let him go again. Steve wasn’t sure he could deal with Bucky leaving again.

Bucky was a mess, clothes hanging off him and covered in mud, blood and God only knew what else. Steve didn’t know where he’d gotten them from, but they obviously hadn’t been made for someone of his shape and stature.  There was mud and shrapnel in the grooves of his metal arm from where he had clearly been sleeping rough and Steve was pretty sure his heart was breaking at the anguish held in the grey orbs that looked back into his blue ones.

Bucky seemed torn, glancing around again, biting his lower lip in a way that Steve was intimately familiar with before nodding, gesturing towards Steve’s mug. “Can I..?”

He jumped as a bell rang out in the apartment, fingers flying to his belt and bringing out a handgun, pointing it at the door. “What’s that?”

Cold, emotionless eyes met Steve’s and the blond suddenly found himself face to face with the Winter Soldier. The man in front of him no longer confused and unsure, instead Steve saw a defensive stance, fingers on a trigger that the hands behind the gun wouldn’t hesitate to pull.

“It’s the doorbell. I ordered Chinese food, that’s who I was expecting when I answered the door to you.” Steve explained quickly, hands outstretched and reaching towards the barrel of the gun, prepared to wrestle for the weapon to protect the kid delivering his food if necessary, but he didn’t have to, Bucky nodded sharply and lowered the gun.

“I’m going to go answer it, will you be okay here for a moment?” Steve questioned as the doorbell rang out again.

Bucky nodded again and Steve pulled his front door open, knowing that Bucky was stood out of sight, but shadowing him as though to make sure he wasn’t being tricked. Steve knew that the trust Bucky remembered having was still battling against the decades of conditioning, but the fact that Bucky had come to him told Steve which element was winning.

The teenager at the door smiled brightly as she held out the bag of takeout. “Evening Mr Rogers!”

“Evening, Alex.” Steve tried to return the smile as he passed her a few bills.

“Have a good one!” She told him as she adjusted her messenger bag and pocketed the money before heading back down the corridor.

“You too,” Steve called after her, “drive safely.”

“I always do!” She threw a smile over her shoulder and waved her hand.

Steve shook his head as he closed the door, turning back towards Bucky, who was leaning against the wall, watching the exchange curiously.

“You know the delivery girl’s name?” Bucky asked, but before Steve could reply, the corners of his mouth quirked and he laughed. “Yeah, that sounds about right from what I remember. You always knew everyone in our apartment block. Used to help old lady Nancy with her shopping even though you could barely carry more than she could.”

Steve nodded, moving over to the breakfast bar and placing the bag of food onto the counter, noting the way Bucky sniffed the air before eyeing the cartons of food with an almost feral expression. He pulled out two plates, placing one in front of himself and pushing the other towards Bucky before arranging the cartons of Chinese food into a row.

Bucky looked at the assortment of different meals before stepping away, head bowed as though ashamed of himself for wanting them.

“You can have whatever you want.” Steve told him, handing him some cutlery and nudging the plate towards the other man suggestively. “Eat, you’ll feel better. The salt and pepper chicken is amazing. If your appetite is anything like mine, you could eat a tonne of it.”

Bucky snorted slightly, amused, but eventually he moved forward and started to scoop bits of each item onto his plate glancing towards Steve every few seconds as though to check that what he was doing was still okay.

“I still can’t get used to this.” He motioned towards his plate and the food with his fork. “Being able to do things for myself. That was so hard, making choices for myself recognising which feeling meant what. Hunger didn’t process for weeks. All HYDRA gave me were these gel things. They were disgusting and I remember throwing up after one of them, maybe I’d been in cryo too long. They made me eat it again anyway. I was only allowed to do things when they said, still feels wrong sometimes to do things off my own back.”

Steve gave him a sad look, but bumped his shoulder gently, testing the waters of how Bucky responded to physical contact, pleased when the brunet stiffened slightly but didn’t flinch away from him.

The ex-assassin followed him back over to the couch and sat down without any prompting from Steve, waiting until Steve took a mouthful before beginning to spoon noodles into his mouth with all the finesse of a dying man who’d been given his last meal. Steve supposed that Bucky could think that true, he hadn’t known whether Steve would turn him away when he had arrived.

In less than three minutes, Bucky’s plate was empty and the brunet was trying to hide his longing glances at the remaining cartons of food that still sat on the counter.

“Help yourself, Buck. If we run out and you’re still hungry, we can just order more. S’not like it used to be with food rationing, have as much as you want.”

Bucky stood, hesitating before striding purposefully over to the counter and re-piling his plate. He returned to his seat and continued eating, allowing a companionable silence to fall over them that was so familiar to Steve, yet so foreign to Bucky that it made the blond’s insides ache.

-o-

Eventually Steve set his plate down on the coffee table, keeping his face carefully schooled as he examined Bucky, the question that had been spinning around his mind ever since Bucky arrived finally bubbling to the surface and demanding to be answered.

“Why now Bucky? After all these months?” Steve asked. “I assumed you didn’t want to be found, but it killed me not to look for you. Why are you here now?”

Bucky frowned guiltily down at his mostly empty plate and Steve waited patiently for the brunet to arrange his thoughts.

“I remember.” Bucky mumbled, a redness creeping onto his cheeks.

Steve’s breath caught in his throat but he refused to give anything away until Bucky clarified what it was he had remembered, not wanting to cloud the other man’s judgement with his own memories. “You remember what Buck?”

The blush deepened. “I remember feeling, looking at you and feeling... I think I remember _us._ We were together then, before the war, during it too weren’t we? I remember loving you, wanting to look after you, but at the same time wanting to fuck your brains out and for you to do the same to me.”

Bucky looked up at Steve, eyes wide as though he were shocked by his own admissions and Steve’s heart broke at the innocent bewilderment on his face. “Yes, we were together and trust me, I wanted the same things as you did. It’s okay Bucky.”

“I was so alone. I didn’t know anything, but I felt for you.” Bucky stood, voice suddenly rising as his metal hand rose to his temples as though in pain, eyes boring down into Steve’s. “I felt for you and I didn’t even understand what I was feeling. I think that’s why I had to be alone, to figure out my feelings as well as well as who I was. But god, I was so alone. I didn’t understand anything. My memories don’t feel like my own, I remember them but can’t relate to them, as though they happened to someone else. How can you want to even know me when I don’t know who I am, I’m not _him._ ”

Steve felt himself rising, reaching out towards the other man, not knowing how to comfort him but wanting to try regardless. “Hey, hey, Bucky. Bucky, you’re you. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes and I don’t care if you’re the same or different as you used to be. You have to be who you are, who you want to be, not who you think me and everyone else wants you to be.”

Bucky didn’t move as Steve’s hands touched him, thumbs brushing against his upper arms.

“Please Steve, tell me what to do. Please.” Bucky turned to face him, eyes pleading. “I don’t know what to do any more. I got my memories back, I know my name and I thought that that would make everything okay again but it didn’t fix anything. Everything is still a mess and I can’t put it back together any more. Every time I think I’m winning, something else crumbles and I can’t do it. I don’t know what to do, where to go. I’m so confused. Please help me, I don’t know what to do.”

Steve felt tears cloud his eyes as he pulled Bucky towards him, surprised by the sudden hysteria of the other man, engulfing him in a hug that he wasn’t sure would be welcome but that he felt was necessary. Bucky tensed momentarily before Steve felt Bucky collapse against him, all the tension leaving his body as he folded himself into Steve’s arms, the brunet’s hands fisting into the larger man’s shirt as he finally allowed himself to let go of all the anger, pain and confusion that he had been clinging to. Those three emotions protecting him from actually _feeling_ the one emotion that he couldn’t explain, the one emotion that scared him more than anything.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I’m so sorry that you’re hurting and that you’re confused but I can’t tell you what to do, you have to make that decision for yourself. I can help you, but it’s something that you have to figure out for yourself and I know it sucks, but you can stay here for as long as you want to. I want you to stay if that’s what _you_ want.” Steve pressed his nose into Bucky’s hair as the other man buried his face into Steve’s chest.

“All I want is you. I feel like an addict. I _need_ you.” Bucky admitted through his sobs. “Please don’t make me go. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“God, Buck, I would never make you do that, I don’t ever want you to go away again. I thought you were gone all those years ago. You were.. _are,_ the most important part of my life. You’re not alone, I promise. You still have me. I know you’re confused and scared and everything is different, but I know, trust me. I never wanted you to feel alone. I need you too. I need you to be okay.” Steve admitted, feeling tears running down his own cheeks onto the other man’s scalp. “I would never make you go, please believe me. I want you to stay.”

He felt Bucky nod against his chest before the other man pulled away, red, pain filled eyes searching Steve’s as his mouth opened uncertainly. “Do you still..”

“Do I still what?”

Bucky looked torn and uneasy, as though his question had the potential to shatter the little piece of stability he was clinging to.

“Do you still­..” Bucky paused, voice growing small as he continued. “do you still love me? Like before?”

Steve felt a surge of something shoot through him at Bucky’s words. Hope, protectiveness, affection, desperation, he didn’t know. The world seemed to slow before him as he looked into Bucky’s grey orbs and saw the silent storm that they held there. “Of course Bucky, I could never stop loving you. God, I love you so much it’s not even funny.”

Bucky’s anguished expression shifted, brows relaxing as through a weight had been lifted off of him and suddenly he was throwing himself towards Steve, crushing their mouths together.

It took Steve a moment to realise what was happening before he could kiss Bucky back. It took him a further moment to realise that it wasn’t a good idea.

“Bucky,” Steve gently detangling their lips and inching his head back minutely so that their mouths still brushed and their noses bumped as he spoke. “Bucky, you can’t do this because you think that this is something I want you to. You have to want this. I will wait forever if I have to, I would never expect this from you. Please, please be sure that this is something that you want. You have to want this too.”

Bucky’s eyes were clear and focused as he nodded slightly. “I want this. I need this Steve. This is the only thing I’ve been sure of since I escaped from HYDRA. _You_ are the only thing I’ve ever been sure of my entire life. I do want this, for myself as well as for you.”

Steve’s heart swelled at Bucky’s words and then they were kissing again, both sloppy and out of practise but Steve didn’t think it’d ever been so perfect.

Bucky groaned as Steve scraped his teeth along his lip before the brunet began to push Steve towards the bedroom. How he knew where that was, Steve didn’t know, didn’t care. The only thing he could focus on was the feeling of Bucky’s hands snaking under his shirt, the nails of both his flesh hand and the end of his bionic limb scraping down his abdomen and causing him to moan into Bucky’s mouth in response, the sensations going straight to his dick.

“I remember you were always so loud.” Bucky breathed, pulling away as Steve’s knees hit the edge of the bed, Steve tumbling down onto it in surprise and Bucky climbing on top of him for a second before he found himself being flipped onto his back with Steve straddling him.

“And I remember you were the same, especially when you were kissed..” Steve pressed his mouth to the pulse point of Bucky’s neck, sucking gently and eliciting a throaty gasp from the other man, “–right here.”

Bucky’s hands tugged at the material of Steve’s shirt, the blond shifting and allowing him to pull it over his head before reclaiming his mouth, hands rucking Bucky’s own shirt up, ignoring the dirt in favour of kissing as much of Bucky’s skin as he could manage, feeling the other man react to his ministrations.

When Bucky breathed out a curse, Steve glanced up at him through his eyelashes, quickly becoming concerned as he took in Bucky’s face. The brunet’s eyes were shut tightly, hands fisting into the bed sheets below him hard enough that he had begun to tear them.

“Fuck, Bucky. I’m sorry, did I do something you didn’t like, I’ll stop.” Steve babbled, panicked as he moved back up the bed to bring his face almost level with Bucky’s.

“No, don’t stop, please,” Bucky groaned, “I want this, I promise. It’s just a little overwhelming, please don’t stop.”

“Hey, hey Buck, look at me okay?” Steve murmured gently, relieved that he hadn’t done anything that Bucky hadn’t wanted. “Bucky open your eyes.”

He waited patiently for the sight of those grey orbs, smiling when he was finally able to stare into them again. “Hey there. You still with me?”

Bucky nodded, not trusting his mouth to speak again, pupils blown wide with want.

“Eyes on me okay? I need you to tell me if I go too fast or do anything that you don’t like.” Steve told him, waiting for another nod before pulling Bucky’s shirt over his head, noticing when the brunet brought up his flesh hand in a nervous attempt to cover the scarring that started where his arm had clearly been welded none too carefully onto his body and moved down over Bucky’s whole torso in a detailed map that broadcasted the horrors that he had seen throughout his life with HYDRA.

“Hey, hey, you’re beautiful. You’re so fucking perfect, Buck.” Steve told him, bring his mouth down to kiss where the arm met his shoulder and then moving downwards to kiss the array of other scars, stopping when his chin brushed the waistband of Bucky’s pants. “May I?”

“Fuck Steve, please.” Bucky gasped and Steve willingly obliged, undoing the button and pulling down the zipper to free Bucky’s erection.

He felt Bucky convulse beneath him as he kissed the tip of his cock before swallowing him down, hollowing his cheeks and pressing his fingers into the other man’s hips to stop him lifting off the bed and accidentally choking him.

Steve loved this, he’d always loved this, knowing how to take Bucky apart with just his mouth, slowly and teasingly, but he knew that Bucky wouldn’t last this time, he was too close already, muscles contracting with the effort of not coming into Steve’s mouth too quickly.

“It’s okay Buck, you can let go. Take the edge off and then you’ll feel better okay?” Steve told him soothingly before taking Bucky’s cock back into his mouth.

It didn’t take long, no more than thirty seconds until Bucky was coming down his throat with a hoarse cry and a cuss word, toes curling in pleasure as Steve continued his ministrations as Bucky rode out his orgasm.

“What do you want Bucky?” Steve asked when Bucky pulled at his chin gently, guiding back up to his mouth and kissing him.

“I want you. I want, _need,_ you inside me. Please.” Bucky panted, hands fumbling with the catch of Steve’s jeans, popping the button clean off in his haste.

Steve laughed slightly. “I liked those jeans.”

“I need you more.” Bucky replied, a hint of his former snark creeping back into his voice as he spoke, surprising them both.

Steve beamed at him, shucking off his pants and underwear, mouth falling open in a silent ‘o’ as he felt Bucky’s flesh hand wrap around his cock, moving carefully as he clumsily fumbled for a rhythm. “God, Buck.”

“Is this okay?” Bucky asked, uncertainty creeping back onto his face and Steve realised that Bucky was nervous.

“Yes, god yes.” Steve pressed a chaste kiss to the other man’s lips, one hand moving to cover Bucky’s own on his cock, slowing the pace a little, the other hand snaking under Bucky’s body and pulling them both into a sitting position giving him better access to Bucky’s ass.

Slowly, Steve ran his hand over one of Bucky’s cheeks before he traced the outline of Bucky’s hole with one finger, eyes tracing over the other man’s face for any signs of hesitation or apprehension but finding only lust.

“This okay?” Steve asked, wanting verbal confirmation before continuing, giving Bucky the chance to back out if he was moving too quickly.

“Yes, please, just fuck me?” Bucky nodded eagerly, shifting underneath Steve as his dick began to harden again between them.

Steve nodded, leaning sideways to pull out a bottle of lube from the bedside table. He poured some over his fingers before bring their mouths together as he released the hand Bucky was using to pump his cock in favour of spreading Bucky’s cheeks and gently tracing Bucky’s hole again, slicking him up before pressing the tip of his forefinger inside, enjoying the feeling of Bucky’s body contracting around him as the other man gasped, nose scrunching in a mixture of discomfort and pleasure. Bucky might not recall it well, but they’d done this before and his body instinctively remembered, reacting to the intrusion and relaxing to allow Steve to slide his whole finger inside.

“Shit,” Bucky groaned, hands coming up to clutch at Steve’s forearms as Steve began to slide his finger gently in and out, crooking it slightly as he pulled out.

When he felt Bucky loosen up further Steve added a second finger and then a third, marvelling at the sounds that his actions drew from the other man as he found his prostate and stimulated it gently, Bucky’s cock fully hard and leaking.

“I can’t anymore Steve, please fuck me. I’m going to come if you don’t, shit.” Bucky begged, lying back on the bed and providing Steve with better access.

The Captain nodded, slicking his cock and positioning himself at Bucky’s entrance before pushing in slowly, enjoying the moan that it drew from Bucky.

He was so tight around Steve’s dick, so perfect as Steve continued to inch inside until he bottomed out.

“Fuck Steve,” Bucky inhaled, taking a minute to adjust to the fullness before asking Steve to “move, please.”

Steve smiled before obeying and beginning to thrust into the man below him, one hand buried in Bucky’s hair as Bucky pressed his face into the crook of Steve’s neck in an attempt to stifle his moans.

For Steve, it felt like coming home. Not necessarily through the sex, but just having Bucky in wrapped up in his arms again, pliant and trusting like he had been before Zola and HYDRA had gotten to him.

Bucky jerked and cried out in pleasure as Steve hit his prostate, feeling both himself and Bucky’s muscles tightening as they both neared their release, pleasure coiling low in his abdomen as he thrust into the other man, stroking Bucky’s cock with the hand not holding Bucky’s head gently, holding himself up on one elbow. It was an awkward position but Steve didn’t care.

“Oh god, Steve I’m gonna come. I can’t, fuck, Steve.” Bucky gasped, fingers digging into Steve’s skin so hard that the blond knew there would be bruises later.

“Come for me, let go Buck.” He murmured into the brunet’s ear, hearing Bucky cry out his name as he came, his body spasming around Steve’s cock and sending him over the edge too.

Steve continued to move inside Bucky, riding out both of their orgasms before collapsing on top of Bucky, wincing as he pulled out of the other man and rolling them both onto their side, enabling him to look at the thoroughly fucked out expression on Bucky’s face, the brunet blushing and hiding his face against Steve’s chest as he noticed his gaze.

“You okay?” Steve asked, stroking a hand in circles on Bucky’s sweaty back.

He frowned as he felt Bucky tense in his arms, the previously pliant body becoming rigid as Bucky looked up at him.

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter? Did I hurt you? Did we go too fast?” Steve cupped Bucky’s cheeks, forcing the other man to meet his eyes.

Bucky shook his head. “No, m’not hurt. I just, what happens now? I know how you feel and I think I know how I feel. Where does that leave us?”

Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead tenderly. “It leaves us wherever we want to be. What do you want Bucky. Do you want to stay or would you rather go somewhere else?”

He watched as the brunet’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “I don’t want to go, Steve, please don’t make me go again.”

“Bucky, I’m never going to make you do anything you don’t want to do, please don’t ever think that. You’re my best friend. You’re the best person I’ve ever known, of course you can stay. I want you to stay more than anything.” Steve replied, wrapping his arms around Bucky and holding him close.

“Really?” The incredulity returned to Bucky’s face, as though he didn’t quite believe that he was worthy of Steve’s affection. As though he wasn’t worth enough for someone to want him around.

Steve resolved to make that his mission, to show Bucky each and every day exactly why he _was_ worthy of the love given to him.

“Of course. You’re my best friend Buck, I’d never not want you here.”

“Even after everything I’ve done?”

“Yeah, even with everything that’s happened. Not what you’ve done, none of that was you, that was all HYDRA. There is nothing to forgive Bucky. Please, stay. With me.” Steve looked down at the man in his arms whose face was morphing from apprehension and fear to a smile of pure, incomprehensible delight at Steve’s words.

“I love you, Bucky Barnes. Always have, always will. Don’t ever doubt that for a second.” Steve told him unreservedly, pressing a tender kiss to Bucky’s lips.

“I love you too, Steve Rogers.” Bucky murmured against Steve’s lips before nuzzling his nose against Steve’s cheek.

Steve pulled his duvet over them both, resolving to clean up when they had had a moment to rest, Bucky’s eyes already becoming heavy as the endorphins and adrenaline of the night subsided and left him bone weary.

“Til’ the end of the line, pal.”

“Til the end of the line, punk.” Bucky whispered automatically, pressing his face against Steve’s chest as his breathing began to even out, finally feeling safe enough to allow exhaustion to claim him.

“Sleep Bucky, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Night Steve, thanks for everything.”

“I missed you, Buck. More than you’ll ever know.”

“I missed you too, Steve. I missed you before I even knew what that felt like.” Bucky mumbled, pressing himself closer to Steve’s chest, absorbing the heat and comfort offered to him.

Steve closed his eyes and buried his face into Bucky’s hair, a myriad of emotions filling him as he clung tightly to the other man as he drifted off to sleep.

“I love you.” Steve repeated quietly to Bucky’s sleeping form, taking in the relaxed face before him and feeling his heart lift with hope at their second chance.

This time he wouldn’t let Bucky slip away, Steve promised himself, kissing Bucky’s forehead affectionately before allowing himself to sink into sleep feeling much lighter than he had in decades.

Things weren’t perfect and it wouldn’t be easy, but Steve didn’t care, he would be there for every step of Bucky’s recovery.

Even when he’d had nothing he’d had Bucky, and Steve fully intended to do the same for Bucky.

He finally had him back and there was no way he was every going to let him go again.

-o-

_El fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and let me know what you thought, I'm a little unsure about this one.
> 
> Come and say hello to me on my tumblr: [ghostlywhitedirewolf](http://ghostlywhitedirewolf.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
